In a recent TAP class, a participant lit up describing what excited them most about separating from the military: the ability to finally be in charge of their own life.
“Since the age of 18, I’ve been led or directed. Now I get to decide for myself where I want to go.” Choice over where to live, how to dress, how much time to spend with family, how to work: The possibilities were endless, and they were beaming.
Then came the reality check. “I want to control my destiny … But where do I start? How do I figure out what to do, where to live, how to manage my life and time and energy when I’ve not done that for 15 years?”
The Joy and Stress of Choice
Choice is an interesting thing: On one hand, choice gives us power. We can choose who to work with, how to show up, what to prioritize and where we’ll give of ourselves. On the other hand, choice can be paralyzing when you have too many options and no criteria for evaluating and deciding, and when everything feels random.
For civilians, choice often ranks above almost everything else, possibly even compensation. It fuels autonomy, self-expression and a sense of control over one’s future. As you step out of uniform, you’re entering a culture where choice is currency. That’s mostly good news. But it comes with a catch that even lifelong civilians struggle with.
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The catch is called the “paradox of choice,” and it occurs when we want more options, yet more choices make it harder to pick one direction, product or opportunity over the others. When faced with too many options, we get stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated, worrying we’ll choose wrong. This phenomenon is well documented in research and books that study how we make decisions.
Deciding How to Approach Your Future
In looking at your future and your “destiny,” consider a framework to help you sort through options when you might feel overwhelmed by the choices. Recognize that you’ve spent years in a system where PCS orders, command assignments and duty schedules directed the majority of your life.
A framework to design your next steps:
1. Evaluate Your Dreams, Wishes and Goals
Divide them into categories such as financial, professional, family (personal), social, spiritual, health and so on. Sorting them can help you see overlap and identify gaps that should be addressed. For example, if you have a goal to travel extensively, yet you want to raise a large family, you’ll need to plan travel that would accommodate all your children and a financial and career plan that maps to that lifestyle as well.
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2. Ask Yourself the Hard Questions
Consider spending time in a quiet, distraction-free environment, and ponder tough issues such as:
- Is service still important to you? If so, who do you want to serve?
- Are your financial, professional or health goals attainable, or do you feel pressured to want those things because of outside influence?
- Who in your life could provide outside input, and have you asked them? Most people (military and civilian alike) plan better with accountability.
- Does choice and control scare you or excite you? If it scares you, how can you get more comfortable with the idea of choice and the steps needed to feel in control?
3. Map Out the Steps
When you have an idea of what your dreams/goals look like, write down how you’ll get there. Imagine this scenario: You’ve spent eight years as a logistics NCO, and you want to eventually run your own supply chain consulting firm. You’re not ready to launch your company on Day 1, and you don’t need to be. Your first step might be joining a midsize logistics company where your military experience translates directly, and you can learn how the civilian contracting side operates. From there, you’d build your client network, attain industry certifications, and identify the niche where your operational background gives you an edge. Three to five years in, you might launch with clients, credibility and capital you didn’t have on separation day.
Being in control of your future is a powerful feeling. With control, you can attract the opportunities that fuel your dreams and design a future that is meaningful to you.
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