The saying “no one likes a backseat driver” is being put to the test by one couple.
Sharing his relationship dilemma in a Reddit forum, a user asked if he was wrong “for refusing to drive if my wife is in the car.”
He wrote, “For years after we got married, I could never figure out why I would be so angry and moody any time my wife and I went somewhere. Then it finally clicked. I was only in a bad mood if I drove with my wife.”
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He added, “My wife is the absolute worst backseat driver I have ever seen.”
The user shared that it did not matter how he drives. No matter what he does, his wife “still finds things to complain about,” he said. He gave examples of her criticisms, including, “Why did you go this way?” and “You’re driving too fast.”
Other actions she harped on, he said, were his parking abilities, his use of the blinker and the way he accelerated the car.
“So, for the past couple of years, I have refused to drive,” he wrote. “I now make her do all the driving. And lo and behold, I’m no longer a grumpy person when we travel.”
The user, however, said his wife became upset about this arrangement, since she was always driving. She asked him to split the driving “50/50.”
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“Last weekend I started driving,” he wrote. “She couldn’t last three minutes without criticizing my driving. I pulled over and told her I’m done. Either she takes over driving or we’re going home,” the man continued.
“She eventually took the wheel,” he wrote. “She muttered that I drive like a moron even though there’s only one of us who has tickets and has at-fault accidents on their record and it’s not me,” he added.
Redditors jumped into the comments section to share thoughts about the issue.
“It sounds like you came up with a perfectly reasonable solution,” wrote one user.
Another user said, “This hostility goes beyond backseat driving. She sounds like a very angry person.”
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“Being in a car has a way of rewiring people’s brains that sometimes they show a personality they never have in normal life,” added another user.
One Redditor said, “Secretly record her as you are driving and then play it as she is driving. Let her hear herself complain the whole way.”
“My husband is a [very bad] driver and he admits it fully,” one person admitted.
“If you’re feeling petty, ask how many points she has on her license — but that’s a sure way to start a fight,” joked another user.
A Redditor added, “Dang, dude, I wouldn’t even ride in the same car with that woman. I’d drive myself in my own vehicle.”
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Said a different person, “I’m laughing at/with you because I told my husband I’m not driving with him anymore. We have very different styles of driving. He doesn’t like people behind him, but I don’t like people in front of me. He hates when people tailgate,” she added.
Yet another person said, “Your wife needs some therapy or anger management [training].”
California-based clinical psychologist Kathy Wilkerson, Ph.D., told Fox News Digital she thinks it is reasonable to create boundaries around driving.
“If your partner can’t manage their anxiety or frustration without lashing out, it’s not just unpleasant, it’s emotionally dysregulating and potentially unsafe,” said Wilkerson.
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She shared that it’s fine to tell a partner that “I’m not willing to drive if I’m going to be attacked the entire time.”
“If someone wants shared responsibility, that person also has to show mutual respect.”
Wilkerson added, “We all need to feel emotionally safe, and if your partner’s coping strategy is to externalize their discomfort by criticizing you, that’s something they need to take responsibility for… and work on.”
She said the situation is not just about driving — but about how the couple treats each other when stress rears its head.
“Constant criticism chips away at connection and sends the message that one person’s comfort matters more than the relationship itself,” said Wilkerson.
“If someone wants shared responsibility, that person also has to show mutual respect.”
Said Wilkerson, “Setting a boundary like this isn’t selfish — it’s actually a healthy, honest way to preserve both peace and partnership.”
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